Gloomy to Bright

My day started out well enough; I took the remaining two lessons from my driving school package prior to my road test at two p.m. After a shaky ninety minutes, I waited another ninety minutes to be driven to the road test site in Astoria, Queens.

The sky turned gray and the rain drops fell as I sat behind the wheel, prepared to pass my road test. I knew as soon as I signed my shaky signature on the evaluation sheet, I was done.

I didn’t signal when turning into the lane and I frakked up my parallel parking (which I had practiced that morning like five times!) and then I didn’t signal a few more times at the end. The inspector told me I failed and I stepped out of the car, head down in disappointment. My driving instructor was so wrapped up in his possible claim to fame of being cast on a reality television show about bad drivers that I received absolutely no consoling or pep talk for the next time. I wanted to cry.

When we returned to the driving school, I immediately rescheduled a road test and scanned my brain for anyone I knew that owned a car. Not many but I’ll make do.

I walked home slowly, trying to take in the sunshine; I even shared a smile with a guy as I walked home. He returned the smile and tried to “holla” at me but I kept walking.

When I finally reached my apartment, I wrote down how I was in a state of impotence. I tacked on everything that wasn’t going right in my life to my failed road test: rejections from MFA programs, how many people were following me on Twitter (like that really counted right now but when you’re in a funk, you bring it all in), keeping up with my blog, not writing enough, not reading enough, and the emotional turmoil I’ve been in the past few months. All of this had me in the worst head space imaginable.

My brother called and some of that space cleared. I needed to hear: “Yeah, you failed but you’re driving! You’ll do better next time!” which he provided and just like that, the fog had cleared.

Soon after, I met up with a friend to watch a free screening of Dinner for Schmucks and I was in a much better place. The film was entertaining enough to forget about the early afternoon but not enough to erase the remnants of my prior head space.

When I came home, I watched the President Obama interview on The View which was the brightest thing I needed to the start of a gloomy day. My inspiration and drive were re-ignited with Obama’s hope for America. Not many people may agree with everything he’s doing with the country presently but for the moment, his words and energy reached me and I was floating in positivity. The universe was talking to me; I was seeking comfort all day after the road test and I received it.

Funny how a television program, movie, quote, or book can change the mood of a person. This is why I write.

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5 responses to “Gloomy to Bright

  1. It is true- it can all change in a blink of an eye and that hope helps me keep on going 🙂
    I’m sorry about your test but just wanted to tell you, I failed my test for 4 times (I’m sure that won’t be the case with you) before I finally got my driver license! I’ve been driving for 5 years now and I already forgot about all those failed tests…
    Once you achieve your goal, all those failed attempts lose their power over you! Good luck next time 🙂

  2. i have my road test tomorrow in astoria… how is the location? what was the parallel parking like?

    i am sorry to hear you didnt pass, good luck next time!

    • Astoria is so easy and empty! The parallel parking was simple, my nerves frakked me up so bad it felt hard. Every street are two lanes; not hard at all.
      Good luck yourself! You’ll be fine if you’re used to driving. I don’t own a car so getting behind the wall isn’t necessarily an automatic thing for me. Thanks for the support! Gonna bang it out at the end of the month, for sure.

      • im worried about my parallel parking, do you have any tips ?
        how about the 3point turn there…. easy?
        good that its empty! my boyfriend took it there and told me i should too…he’s two years older than me. he drove me around there to get a feel to how it is.

        yeah, ive been driving in pennsylvania where my country house is…and my lessons ended in february.

  3. can you give me a break down as to how your test was there? im so nervous!

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