To Be a Writer or an Agent

Upon receiving two rejection letters from reputable institutions, I wonder, do I really want to write?  I’m taking this memoir writing class, which is great, but I don’t write as often as I should. I watch moving pictures, I socialize, I putz around on the internet, I talk on the phone, I don’t even read as much as I should!  What the hell do I really want to do with my life?  I’m a writer, that’s set in stone even if I don’t write.  The question is, am I really cut out for this?

I was afraid of feeling like this – bummed out, unenrolled in the possibility of moving past getting rejected, giving up and going the other route – helping writers because I couldn’t cut it as one.

I’m on the track to become an agent if I continue with this internship. Essentially, I started the internship to have experience in publishing.  The goal was to be surrounded by words for inspiration.  I love my internship to pieces; it’s the highlight to my week every week.  I enjoy reading queries, helping out folks on the ‘net write better queries, and discovering new talent.  But I’m forgetting what’s important to me: writing!  And it’s the one thing I’m not doing enough of!  I even skipped my memoir writing class this week because I wasn’t in the right place to write.  When it was exactly the kind of environment that would have made the rejections easier to stomach.

It’s okay to feel this way; I’ll sit in the space and then the moment will pass.  I’m sure of it.

For now, brace myself for the results as they trickle in and not lose faith.

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2 responses to “To Be a Writer or an Agent

  1. I can empathize with this. When I was in high school I decided that I want to write, but knowing I would need a job to pay the bills while, I write I started on a publishing track. Between my undergraduate and graduate studies and my first year in a corporate job I realized that I lost my focus. In grad school, I didn’t write a single stitch. In two years, not a word. I associated myself far more with publishing than as a writer. But in the past year with my education behind me, I’ve put the regret behind me and picked up the pen again. Meanwhile, I am working in the industry I love and have gained such a foundation to stand on as I move forward down two simultaneous paths. Generally, I’m happy with the direction things have taken even if back in high school I expected myself to be further down the road as a writer.

    The uncertainty never goes away. At least once a month I think about switching career tracks and work towards becoming a literary agent. It is something I know I eventually want to do in life like being a published author. But for now at least I’ve decided to spend some more time learning from the publishers perspective in marketing while I strengthen my writing muscles. You can at any point in your life take up writing again. And likewise you can at any point reinvent yourself in a career. Where and when opportunity finds you is the unpredictable part, but whenever chance presents itself you should seize it and explore.

    Best of luck to you. No matter the outcome of these applications, you will find your way as a writer and a professional. Just keep moving forward with determination and be mindful of the many roads open to you. I’m sure you have these bookmarks already but http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/jobs/ and http://www.bookjobs.com/ are great resources if you decide to seek a position in publishing for the time being.

  2. bkwriter4life

    Thank you for the support; I was feeling crappy. I’m not crazy! 🙂

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