The Exhilaration of Writing

I start an online Gotham Writing Workshop this week which excites me on so many levels. Not only is my current short story getting tighter and tighter with each re-write for MFA applications, but I will have more eyes looking at my work (and have the opportunity to contribute my comments to other writers’ work)!

There are those days in which a writer can’t even produce a word on the page and other days when words flow freely. Lately, each time I do write, the words come freely and I’m completely taking advantage of that! I have had many times I sit down to do the work at my allotted day and time and nothing flows. The Internet becomes more appealing. I research hair products. Plan for a spa day. Research what to do for the rest of the day or tomorrow or next week or three weeks from now. And that’s how distraction works, doesn’t it?

My most recent intimate writing workshop has me juiced for awhile to not only work on this short story but to also contribute to the chapters I’m currently posting on my blog. My writing colleagues inspire me every time I read their work (both have such different voices and so great in their style), and they remind me why I write.

Most recently, I attended a lunch held by Streetside Stories which provided me with the insight into my purpose on this planet. I love writing and I want to encourage and empower the youth to have the best literacy skills to take them far. Writing is one of the best skills a person can have and I want to help foster and strengthen this skill for the youth.

I have spent a large amount of time focusing on myself and what to do for me and honestly, right now, it’s all about maintenance. Now is the time for me to give back to the community and give my time to those who need it the most. My researching has led me to many organizations like 826 Valencia, WritersCorps, and Reading Partners. Now I have Streetside Stories. I know I can make a difference in a child’s life and writing has led me there.

Self-Doubt

After a successful first round (of my classmates’ work, not mine) in my writing workshop through Gotham Writers Workshop, trepidation, fear, and apprehension forced my stomach into knots. I thought, “My writing officially sucks. I’m never going to be published. I’ll never complete anything. No one will ever get a chance to read my work. Do I really have what it takes to be a writer? Am I really a writer? Do I matter? Does my work matter? Maybe I should throw in the towel and realize I don’t have talent like they do…” and the thoughts went further.

I was so impressed with the writing styles and imagination my colleagues/classmates possessed, my writing became subpar to me.

As I put the finishing touches on my story to be workshopped, I wasn’t nervous, I was in the zone. I revised and edited as much as I could; at 2 am on Friday night, I sent out my piece.

The Tuesday before class, as I re-read and commented on my classmates’ stories, the anxiety and doubt set in once again. “Who am I really kidding here? I should just give up this hobby for good. It’s not real.” Self-loathing and swirling in my own pit of self-pity, I gave myself some credit. “Okay, let’s read the piece and see if it’s really as awful as I think it is.” I exhaled. Slowly, I scanned the typed words on the white computer sheets and read the story from page one to page fifteen. The story had holes and there were places that could be expanded but it wasn’t an awful story.

My faith in my writing was restored. The shift was so extreme I wonder if hormonal changes during that time of the month were churning here. I wrote out all my worries and misgivings about this “hobby” of mine and felt much better soon after.

The next day, my story was workshopped. Not only was I able to identify my writing weaknesses, but my strengths were highlighted and showcased to me in my classmates’ comments. I was redeemed once again. I wasn’t a failure in my writing community, I was actually a success!

My classmates’ comments filled me with joy, inspiration, and energy to improve the story I wrote and motivated me to make sure I took the same care with their work as they did with mine.

My writing world was no longer in disarray; everything was exactly where it was supposed to be.

Temping

Hi there loyal readers (if I have any)!

It has been quite awhile since I have contributed to this little blog of mine. So many things happen  simultaneously and then I don’t make the time to write. However, now I have obtained a temporary to long term assignment as a Receptionist so there’s no excuse now.

I have seen many movies, read books, watched plays, and am currently dealing with bedbugs (fun). But I am committing to sharing more thoughts and the like to my bloggy.

As for temping, I find that it can be a crapshoot sometimes. You may be called for a long term assignment, they don’t like you so you’re canned and you’re not even told by them but by your recruiter. Or you can be at a long term assignment and it may take them Forever to make you permanent or if ever. Currently, I’m in a good position. Took over for the past two receptionists at my office in the past six months. I’m content that I am currently employed and can now save!

I’m also excited to be taking a writing class again. I’ve signed up with Gotham (it really is cheap) with a kool instructor (checked her out online) so hopefully, this fiction class will be better than the past ones. Well, it’ll be different because it will be the first female fiction instructor I’ve had at Gotham. Gotham is hit or miss with their instructors as well therefore I am hoping for the best.

And with that, I’m out! On to creating posts for this bloggy!

Screen Free Week – Last Day

My last day without visual media was a struggle. The weather was gorgeous, it was Easter Sunday (which doesn’t mean anything to me since I’m not religious), and I had plans to visit a friend’s house in the afternoon.

Since I’ve been walking everywhere to save train fare, I was going to walk to Williamsburg from my friend’s home in the Financial District but opted instead to take the train home. When I arrived, all I wanted to do was cuddle up with my Beatles biography book and read. However, since I did say I was going to show up to my friend’s place in Chinatown, I forced myself to keep the engagement. The purpose for this Screen Free Week is to be more social and connect with people after all.

I arrived later than I expected (talk about Huge resistance) but we had a blast. She made yummy sweet potato casserole, I brought cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine  and we played a round of Scrabble. I would’ve stayed longer but work in the morning awaited me.

When I left her building, the rain came down hard. I wanted to walk the bridge back (again, save train fare) but there was no way I’d make the thirty minute walk across the bridge dry. I took the train, got home, took a shower from head to toe, and curled up with my Beatles biography book. Still a fascinating read.

What did I learn about myself through this Screen Free Week?

1) I spend a lot of time watching moving pictures

2) When I spend time not consuming visual media, I spend time planning my future consumption of visual media

3) I don’t write as much as I should even when I’m not consuming visual media

Can you say movie addict? Just a little bit? Yeah.

The last fact is apparent when I recount a dream I’ve had, write down my thoughts, or peruse handwritten notes on other stories. I have so many ideas but there’s no execution or follow through. It’s easier to say, “Well then I’m going to have to change that!” and not do anything at all versus realizing that making writing a priority (like exercise) will be much more effective.

I guess that’s where I’m at. Consuming visual media can be accomplished without bingeing (when I go without time with a certain thing, I overdo it) and in small doses. And of course, making writing a priority.

Since I am part of a writing group, the upcoming meeting will force me to complete something before we meet. I need to have a piece of fiction completed by the end of this week. Pressure pushes me to work than on my own.

Today, I have many shows to catch up on! I can’t wait. And reading of course.

My next self-imposed ban? Chocolate. This is a hard one. My love affair with chocolate  has always been steady, intoxicating at times, passionate, delicious, and new. When I eat chocolate after the month again, our relationship will be even more solid. Until then, eat chocolate moderately.

Bird by Bird

Author: Anne Lamott

Publisher: Anchor Books (1994)

Seventeen years ago, Anne Lamott published a book about writing in which she weaved her life experiences (reminiscent of Stephen King’s On Writing but of course, Lamott came first) being published, the aftermath, the reactions to negative and positive reviews, as well as putting pen to paper.

Writing Workshop – Summer Cycle

Tuesday night I attended the last class in the summer cycle of my writing workshop. One person was not present for critiquing (which makes me wonder, real time conflict or resistance to listening to criticism? But I digress) and the other person was.

I must say I have never delved so much into another person’s work as deeply as I have in this workshop at FDCAC. What sets my instructor, Laura Pegram, apart from the other instructors I’ve had is her devotion and compassion for illustrating what sets mediocre stories apart from exceptionally written stories by respected authors in the writing world.

I read authors like Edward P. Jones, Louise Erdrich, and Edwidge Danticat – all authors I’ve never heard of until this workshop. The introduction to different authors and styles aided my voyage to finding my voice on the page. I was exposed to the heavyweights in most of my classes like Mary Gaitskill, Margaret Atwood, John Cheever, Junot Diaz, ZZ Packer, and so on; this workshop exposed me to more authors of color that are probably well-known in literary circles but not familiar to me.

Apart from a fantastic instructor, my classmates provided very helpful and supportive feedback that I will use during my revision process. They were present in class, constructive comments, and most importantly, contributed useful suggestions when revising my story. Not just suggestions like, “If I would have written this, I would have included this…” but more on the lines of, “Perhaps a scene illustrating why she was feeling like this in the first place would make the end result clearer to the reader.”

I wish every writing workshop was like this and every instructor was like Laura! I cannot wait to take another workshop next month. FDCAC is what’s up! Gotham, take notes.

Creative Energy

Last night, I hung out with a friend I made when I was in film production. Every time I hang out with her, I am inspired to create. I feel the same way after a writing workshop, meeting, or panel I attend. Creative people omit energy that can’t be described. I know because I feel it and maybe I omit the same thing too.

On Monday night, I met two women that told me I look like a writer. I’ve never heard me described as a “writer” before. I don’t know what a writer looks like but I was filled with pride and glee. I’ve awakened my creative energy and I’m no longer shying away from my passion. Maybe it’s because I see writing/creativity/imagination in everything now more than ever, and am writing everything down that those women saw that in me? Whatever the case may be, I was proud to be seen as a writer.

Writing is such a solitary activity, ya know? So when you connect with a fellow creative person, you feed off of each other’s energy and push each other to keep going.

I look forward to making the time to create with my friend and other fellow writers. There’s nothing like a collective artistic force banding together and making art.