Cocky unpublished authors

Last week at my internship, the first few lines of a query letter read like this:

“I have no desire to permanently join your current stable of writers. I have written this one novel and I’ve said everything that I care to say within it.”

Who sends this to a literary agent? Who does this? Is this person seriously thinking he will receive a response from the agent? I was shocked and wondered how so many unpublished authors can be so cocky.

There is a certain assertiveness and confidence that writers should have with their writing but there should be a balance when they want an agent in order to be published!

This isn’t the first I’ve read. Others have discussed profits upfront and other madness.

The best advice for authors is to be humble; no one likes to deal with arrogant people, especially those that don’t have anything to show for being arrogant.

Be easy and be humble. If you get a super big fat advance, then there’s a little room to be overconfident but that’s after you get in the door. Make a good first impression. Publishing is a very small world.

Employment

I understand the economy is bad, publishing is a very competitive industry, and the unemployment rate is 8.3% (dropped actually and much less than the national rate of 9.3%) but this should in no way be a reason to justify paying an employee $300 a week for four days. Do the math. Who can live on that kind of salary in New York City? I’m completely discounting those who live at home with their parents because those are the only ones who can afford this kind of salary in New York City!

I have been actively seeking employment in different industries and have calculated the salary I will be able to survive on in this city. I came across a Craigslist posting and was incensed a company would think $300 a week would be sufficient as a salary to live in New York City. There are so many jobs out there that do pay more but the foot in the door is the problem. This posting wasn’t the first; I saw jobs paying $10 an hour, $11 an hour and less. Maybe I’m used to being paid more or maybe my expenses are higher than most (probably the same) but those wages are a joke.

With that said, is it really worth it to be paid almost nothing to work in an industry that you may or may not be passionate about anymore (i.e. me)? I think not.

Even though I am seeking employment in the publishing industry, I will not be paid chump change as if I’m some broke ass college student. I haven’t been a college student in six years! Seriously, that drives me crazy.

I have declared that I will be employed in 30 days. Since I have declared it, then it shall be.

Until then, on to applying jobs I go!

The Writer Magazine

I bought The Writer Magazine once and fell in love with the articles and advice about writing. Did I subscribe to the magazine? No. I hadn’t taken myself seriously then. Will I subscribe now? Frak yes!

A friend of mine recently sent me a link on an article recently published titled, “50 simple rules for making it as a writer.” I don’t want to be sued by anyone so I’m posting the link here.

For writers confused about the self-publishing and the logistics about becoming published, this article should answer those questions.

I hope this article helps!

Online researching

I spent three hours (or more) researching the international publishers for The Secret. What was particularly frustrating was that each website link to the other country was in a different language. How am I supposed to understand what means “publisher” in Danish, French, Korean, or Japanese? And the Japanese and Korean websites have characters that someone not familiar with the language can even guess!

Oh the fun things about being an intern. I do enjoy my internship because I get to read queries, reject authors, and be utilized. I want more to do because I do more; that’s all.

The terrible query letters

Do not, under any circumstances, ever ever tell a literary agent that your novel is half-finished!  This is the best way to receive a rejection letter in the mail.  Seriously, folks – I don’t understand this.  Even if you are trying to be honest, LIE.  The agency wouldn’t know the difference anyway because sample chapters are requested first and if the samples are great, then the manuscript.  This is the stupidest mistake I’ve seen by far.

International folks – if you haven’t been living under a rock for the past decade, email the damn query.  Why waste postage on a SASE when you can just save time sending an email instead?  Plus, here’s a little secret – if you don’t send a SASE or there isn’t an email anywhere on your letter, you might as well be rejected.  Agencies don’t call folks to get contact information.  In this case, no answer is your answer.

My favorite is the query letter that doesn’t provide any indication or even title of the author’s work.  Good job.  When you make the intern or agent work to read your query, this will ultimately land you a rejection letter, easy.

For non-fiction queries, provide a proposal and a synopsis of your work.  Don’t provide a practically five page essay or in some cases, the home page of your blog, as your query.  The point is to be succinct, my friends, because brevity will work out in your favor.  It’s happened because I’ve seen it happen!  I read a query that provided an “in” for a writer in which I asked to read a sample of his work.  Unfortunately, the sample wasn’t a-mazing, but the process took him that far.  Therefore, lesson learned here: even if your work is panned, then you know you should revise your piece but your query letter was your access!

I can tell you that I’ve read badly written query letters with five typos (or more) in the first paragraph alone and I’ve already mentally rejected the author.  I do have the courtesy to read the query from beginning to end but I know that I’ll be crafting a rejection letter soon after.  Plus, there are so many rejection letters to send and queries to read so why waste the time on a terribly written query?

One last piece of advice: if you email a query in January and have not heard from anyone in April, take it easy.  Email inboxes are backed up and you’ll receive word eventually.  Plus, don’t wait on the one literary agency for your work.  If you’ve submitted to a bunch of places, keep submitting or work on something else.  Be occupied.  I understand it’s easier said than done but don’t pester literary agencies.  They are busy and you are not the only one who has sent an email query or physical query that hasn’t been answered.  Chill!

Since I don’t want to sound redundant (even though I keep seeing the same mistakes out there), I’ll end it here until next time.

Bringing work home

I brought home requested submissions to evaluate and this brings me joy.  Not only am I taking work home but I’m feeling like I’m a part of this company.  I don’t know how long I’ll be there (until I get a job) and if I’ll ever discover a new writer!  I want to though.  It’s so hard to read these submissions that are well-written, query is polished but the material isn’t marketable.  Or the story isn’t novel enough that a publishing house will want to distribute the work.

As a writer, I feel guilty that I don’t have the opportunity to provide feedback to these authors about their work when I reject them.  This is how I’ll be feeling once I get in the game.  Right now, I’m the announcer, not the participant yet.

I’ll get there soon. 

I wish the best to all the authors out there; its a tough game out there but give it your best shot!

Workshops

I’ve mentioned this before (or maybe I haven’t) but I think the most important thing a writer should do prior to sending out his or her manuscript to a literary agent is have a stranger or a group of strangers read it.

I can’t say how much I’ve read manuscripts chockfull of clichés. C’mon writers!  If you are going to take writing seriously, take your writing seriously.  Don’t half-ass it!  I want every writer to find success in their own way (depending on how you measure success) but please do Everything you can to be on point!

I have my own writing that I know I need to edit and have the message/theme clear for the reading audience.  I know I’m not going to send out a submission without someone that’s not related to me or even a friend read.  Why?  The friend (unless a writer friend that is great at providing constructive criticism) will only say good things.  Let’s take this for real, even if the criticism is for your own development as a writer.

Clichés, folks?  Really?  I’m not an agent (yet, who knows?) but if there’s any knowledge I’d like to impart to you (coming from a writer like yours truly) is to edit, have lay people read it,  and have people who read incessantly read your work because they are examples of your audience, no matter what genre they read.  If the story works, great.  If the writing does not work, then try again.

Writing is about creating worlds, stories, connecting to folks, and whatever you want it to mean.  Editing is also a part of writing that must be included to be clear and precise about your intention.

I only want the best for everyone out there trying to make their writing career happen.  I’m doing this myself.

When you read your own work, sometimes you don’t notice what’s in front of you like typos and clichés.

In short, please please please workshop your work or join a writing group (meetup.com has a lot of those) and make your writing career happen!

Happy writing to all!

The Infamous Query Spammer

I’m sure most literary agencies know this guy.  At the agency I work for, we recently became privy to this infamous stalker who’s name is Oscar Lee Whitfield.  He put up his own wikipedia page for himself – a link I will not post on this blog.  This man does not understand that the more rejections he receives, the less likely he is to be picked up by an agency.  He is relentless; every day, our inbox reads, “Query #” (we are up to 140) from a different email address but we know its him.  His email is deleted.  The query is always the same and he never rewords the synopsis for his novel.  Once his identity was tweeted a few days ago, he’s become infamous – which only hurts him.  Literary agencies don’t take him seriously and I don’t understand why he doesn’t understand.  If he was rejected by twenty agencies, then, yeah, he should keep going.  But being rejected 6,000 times?  Really?  Still not getting it?  Unsettling.

I will have tenacity once I receive my rejections because let’s face it – as writers, we will be receiving rejections from magazines, schools, agencies, publishing houses – it makes us stronger.  But this is just plain stubborness.  I wonder if anyone has sat down with him, looked at his query, maybe even read his novel and have suggested changes in his novel and letter.  I don’t feel pity for him because he seriously thinks that spamming and emailing queries to every agency daily will change something.  Not likely.

If you are reading this, Oscar, good luck to you.  Maybe you should sit back and rethink your strategy, have someone that doesn’t know you look at your query and novel, and provide constructive feedback.  But I’m only one person.

To everyone else, ya’ll know better.

*Update (8/6/2010): He know has a website. Does he think that will make him more marketable?

More Lit Agency advice

I only had one day this week due to the weather conditions in New York City.  My supervisors were stuck in places that really had them snowed in.

On that note, let’s begin, shall we?

Postcards: Really?  Agencies email or send out rejection letters; they don’t use postcards to request or reject submissions.  It’s not cute and it won’t make you stand out; it’ll just make you look like an ass.  Follow protocol.

Boxes to check off: Come on!  K.I.S.S. – Keep It Simple Stupid my fellow writers.  The little boxes are not cutesy enough, especially if your query isn’t interesting enough to request sample chapters to read your work.  Either way, as I aforementioned, you will receive an email or letter with word from the agency.  The agency will not check off the boxes in your letter.  You can do it but you might not get a response or the quickest way to a rejection letter.

Lastly – profit sharing: I read a query letter that read like this: “If you are my agent, I promise you fifty percent of the profit from my book…”  Why are you even talking about this if you haven’t even been signed with the agency?  And who says you even get to decide that anyway?  It’s based on the contract the agency drafts and you can choose to accept or reject it.  Don’t discuss profits until the agency is considering your work and wants you – not in a query letter.  Talk about your work but not about money.

That’s my two cents for now.  I’ll have more next week!

Cheers!

To Be a Writer or an Agent

Upon receiving two rejection letters from reputable institutions, I wonder, do I really want to write?  I’m taking this memoir writing class, which is great, but I don’t write as often as I should. I watch moving pictures, I socialize, I putz around on the internet, I talk on the phone, I don’t even read as much as I should!  What the hell do I really want to do with my life?  I’m a writer, that’s set in stone even if I don’t write.  The question is, am I really cut out for this?

I was afraid of feeling like this – bummed out, unenrolled in the possibility of moving past getting rejected, giving up and going the other route – helping writers because I couldn’t cut it as one.

I’m on the track to become an agent if I continue with this internship. Essentially, I started the internship to have experience in publishing.  The goal was to be surrounded by words for inspiration.  I love my internship to pieces; it’s the highlight to my week every week.  I enjoy reading queries, helping out folks on the ‘net write better queries, and discovering new talent.  But I’m forgetting what’s important to me: writing!  And it’s the one thing I’m not doing enough of!  I even skipped my memoir writing class this week because I wasn’t in the right place to write.  When it was exactly the kind of environment that would have made the rejections easier to stomach.

It’s okay to feel this way; I’ll sit in the space and then the moment will pass.  I’m sure of it.

For now, brace myself for the results as they trickle in and not lose faith.