The Exhilaration of Writing

I start an online Gotham Writing Workshop this week which excites me on so many levels. Not only is my current short story getting tighter and tighter with each re-write for MFA applications, but I will have more eyes looking at my work (and have the opportunity to contribute my comments to other writers’ work)!

There are those days in which a writer can’t even produce a word on the page and other days when words flow freely. Lately, each time I do write, the words come freely and I’m completely taking advantage of that! I have had many times I sit down to do the work at my allotted day and time and nothing flows. The Internet becomes more appealing. I research hair products. Plan for a spa day. Research what to do for the rest of the day or tomorrow or next week or three weeks from now. And that’s how distraction works, doesn’t it?

My most recent intimate writing workshop has me juiced for awhile to not only work on this short story but to also contribute to the chapters I’m currently posting on my blog. My writing colleagues inspire me every time I read their work (both have such different voices and so great in their style), and they remind me why I write.

Most recently, I attended a lunch held by Streetside Stories which provided me with the insight into my purpose on this planet. I love writing and I want to encourage and empower the youth to have the best literacy skills to take them far. Writing is one of the best skills a person can have and I want to help foster and strengthen this skill for the youth.

I have spent a large amount of time focusing on myself and what to do for me and honestly, right now, it’s all about maintenance. Now is the time for me to give back to the community and give my time to those who need it the most. My researching has led me to many organizations like 826 Valencia, WritersCorps, and Reading Partners. Now I have Streetside Stories. I know I can make a difference in a child’s life and writing has led me there.

Self-Doubt

After a successful first round (of my classmates’ work, not mine) in my writing workshop through Gotham Writers Workshop, trepidation, fear, and apprehension forced my stomach into knots. I thought, “My writing officially sucks. I’m never going to be published. I’ll never complete anything. No one will ever get a chance to read my work. Do I really have what it takes to be a writer? Am I really a writer? Do I matter? Does my work matter? Maybe I should throw in the towel and realize I don’t have talent like they do…” and the thoughts went further.

I was so impressed with the writing styles and imagination my colleagues/classmates possessed, my writing became subpar to me.

As I put the finishing touches on my story to be workshopped, I wasn’t nervous, I was in the zone. I revised and edited as much as I could; at 2 am on Friday night, I sent out my piece.

The Tuesday before class, as I re-read and commented on my classmates’ stories, the anxiety and doubt set in once again. “Who am I really kidding here? I should just give up this hobby for good. It’s not real.” Self-loathing and swirling in my own pit of self-pity, I gave myself some credit. “Okay, let’s read the piece and see if it’s really as awful as I think it is.” I exhaled. Slowly, I scanned the typed words on the white computer sheets and read the story from page one to page fifteen. The story had holes and there were places that could be expanded but it wasn’t an awful story.

My faith in my writing was restored. The shift was so extreme I wonder if hormonal changes during that time of the month were churning here. I wrote out all my worries and misgivings about this “hobby” of mine and felt much better soon after.

The next day, my story was workshopped. Not only was I able to identify my writing weaknesses, but my strengths were highlighted and showcased to me in my classmates’ comments. I was redeemed once again. I wasn’t a failure in my writing community, I was actually a success!

My classmates’ comments filled me with joy, inspiration, and energy to improve the story I wrote and motivated me to make sure I took the same care with their work as they did with mine.

My writing world was no longer in disarray; everything was exactly where it was supposed to be.